Poems continued...

Dissonance

How often was
the string strummed
forcing ripples
cutting through the fabric
of time and space.

So close to being perfect
and still such an unstable combination
caught between the third and the sixth
a pinch
of heaven above and earth beneath
the air carried
a painful gift
it boosted the white noise
within the inner ears labyrinth
tightening the skin of the drum
with a conflicting tension
active and haunting
close to equilibrium
far from satisfying
an ever humming murmur
on the heart line


Regal grief

How regal that
sense of grief
it shone like a crown
upon your brow
bereft in the nature
of our existence
saltwater puddles formed
beneath the tired
circles of your eyes
My hand tried comfort
only to lay like a shadow
on you skin
it's warmth could not permeate
nor pull together
that great divide
you where trying to jump
as you where
caught vividly in mid air
utter groundless
shaky, tender naked

Inner electric

The was a lot of re wiring to do
tremors kept knocking me down
as my chest was beaten raw
by the electric currents
constantly fazing
between negative and positive
plus / minus
nothing was a greater contrast
than the impulse for control
I got punched in the face
my lip was sore
bellowing
my breath was heavy and thick
smoke started veiling
the four walls
of the solitary confinement
called my life

Sick of you

I thought I was sick
and realized it was you
the abject non presence
I was punishing myself once again
and you where the subject of my tormenter
because YOU did nothing
and I was alone
even though love had been proclaimed
there was nobody here except ME
my lungs where sore
and the lurid stench of sickness
clung to me just as tightly
as the sweat on my back
making everything
extremely uncomfortable

You never came and soothed
this retched girl
my fever heightened even more
twisting and burning me up
plunging it's shiny knives
deep into my flesh
I was pulling at my skin
trying to escape
my nails scratching
the canvas of my belly
where your hand once lay
erasing the etchings
that you had imprinted
upon me

I slumped into stupor
there was nothing else
on my mind
besides self pity
constantly restraining
bitter and sweet
like molasses on a silver spoon
just to remind me
that I was guilty
and oh how I wanted to be guilty
let it soothe me, tell me
that I am in the right
you are in the wrong
it would be so simple
everything is like failure
these days passed
stolen from nowhere
timeless ticking
not even the phases of the moon
had anything to say

I swallowed the plastic coated tablets
in naive hope of relief
they took the sickness
but no the cause
I kept checking the phone
for wanted messages
that never materialized
come to my rescue
desperate child
how long had I been like this
Samsara of self imposed neglect
when did this begin

I saw you come towards me
gingerly
trying to ease
everything
we where both ill!

Poetry 2012

I have started flirting with poetry again, the following poems where written during the beginning of the new year 2012...

Breathe the vowels

Before I grew up

To discover my uniqueness

The magic of the world

Was easy to grasp

With words on paper

Things fell apart

I no longer spoke

The world

Every consonant is

a bone on paper

every vowel

a breath

Combined they disconnect

our voice

from our surroundings

and become innate

Black lines and spots

On paper

That travel the depths

Of our minds

Our eyes see

Only the black and white

Traces we follow

with an inner chant

Once we read

And every word

was spoken

Now we are quiet, insular

Once we gave our voice

To the stories

And they lived

Once we lived

with the stories

of our voices

Freedom

I have always wanted to be free

Always

Yes well, when did always begin?

When did I start feeling, that I no longer was free.

Maybe if I think back long enough,

I can recall a time without worry,

a time without the understanding of words,

Sentences, yes or no, good or bad.

When phenomenon, where phenomenon,

everything looked and tasted as though,

it had recently been discovered,

everything was new and free of concepts.

So when did the corruption begin,

how did we lose our freedom so fast,

is this really who we are, who I am?

Every word, I got caught up in,

Every single thing that was said,

Became a maelstrom of confusion,

So naive that there was no questioning,

the truth of the matter.

There are two ways it can go,

If you hurt a child long enough.

Either they hurt back,

or maybe they seek a truth.

Orgasm

There was a light pressure

Where your lips touched

The aroused head of the clit

Warm and protruding

I could feel the eminence of

Your own excitement on my thigh

As your tongue played its way

Down upon the whole vulva

Suckling and caressing my labia's folds

My mind was totally focused

On the enjoyment of you

Sharing the warmth of your skin

The movement of the fingers

Inside me deep undulating

As the walls of my cervix

Pulsed and tightened

Pulling closer and closer

Every inch of your beautiful attentiveness

You lifted your head and left me hot

moving your member towards

My hungry and wet cunt

Now it was my turn to give

As we were joined by the hip

My hands drawing you towards me

Acutely aware of the pressure

From you most splendid cock

That I adored as much as you me

There was a moment when the

Contours between us were erased

There was no real distinction

Abruptly the breath drew us back

Towards our intimate sweating ecstasy

I sat upon you riding our pleasure

Both knowing where we where going

As you fingers played over an over again

The Prahna circulating between us

Don’t let go don’t let go

Your nails gauged into my flesh

As my hand held on tight

To the constrained muscles of your neck

Bowing and flowing our way

Into the very last throws of

Spasmic tensions a movement

Towards a release of unbound energy

An orgasm, as we both came together

I.D.

In the core of the I.D is the I

So self persevering

We think we know what the I is

searching for it through the eyes of others

It is the mirror in which we perceive the self

Sticky and clingy as it is

Clawing at the heels of strangers

Just to feel a little bit of safety

But have I looked close enough

Who is this I rummaging around

Inside of my dozy head

Where am I

My belly feels hard and tense

Is that the I

My head feels slow and dull

Is that the I

Every inch of my body is for inspection

I close my eyes

As I scan through my being

I open my eyes and there is no I

There is no anchor point

Onto which I can cast my self

Adrift as I am

On the vast sea of existence

Forgive me

I was wrong

sorry,

I didn't understand

the words where just

black marks on the paper

fueling my anguish

pushing you away

I was wrong

not to listen

everything was blurred

ink blotches of terror

I closed up

like a clam

with no pearl

I was wrong

my mind felt like

a Rorschach test

fluttering about

in peril of the

dark wings that embraced

all you uttered

I was wrong

and it hurts to know

that no matter what

I could do nothing

since all i wanted

was everything

and you

I was wrong

and the slow beat

of the pulse escaped me

as I hastened the pace

and got caught in

a silken web

that tightened like a noose
around my throat

I was wrong

and a slow death

caught me off guard

as a pain shot through

my pelvis

where you once

delved into my depths
a deep sea diver of momentary joy

Transcendance

There was nothing wrong, as we stood observing
each others skin for tell tale signs, remnants of who we once were

we studied us, so close as you retracted, I felt the push,

the blow sent me flying

Had we argued, the war might have drawn us closer

easily we fool ourselves into believing, falling through the mirror

each of us standing there, in our mourning,

missing something in the reflection

We where so familiar, then the tone changed

and I became she, her, who was somebody else

a stranger, who's skin you did not trace anymore
with those stealthy fingers

How inter-weaved, the solid pounding of the arteries

which holds the blood, that flowed between us was

and our arms where stretched towards,

each others void

The seasons changed, faster than usual, this year

so human we are, and the ice cut like razorblades

through the skin that held us so tightly, everything transcended,

and we where gone

Drive

Circumstances drove us

In our banged up Buick

Cruising past suburbs

Pale sun bleached facades

Mean eyed dogs barking

Chained powerlessly in a dirt trod yard

Children’s toys strewn out across the driveway

Trees standing melancholy ready to wither

A dusty breeze

Somebody was peeping behind a curtained window

An omen?

The mind never stops talking

I notice your hands one the wheel

Sunburned, veined and strong

Your cuticles shiny white

The other between my thighs

Fingers grasping warmly upon my ivory sweaty skin

We come to a halt a red light

It gives us a short break

You turn your head towards me

Smile, ready for a kiss

The radio’s crackling an unknown country tune

Your foot pressing the speeder

As the lights change to green.

The impact was so unexpected

A flash of heat crossed my face

As we spun like a blast

The churning of metal in my ears

Scraping of asphalt

So much noise, all confused

Out of focus I turned my head

All I could see was your face

Your eyes where empty

Everything was red.

Power play

What power do we posses

Think!

Our minds demand so much

Can we liberate ourselves

Vulva

Penis

Are we enemies?

A UNION

Diversely faceted

So many orifices

So many combinationz…….

Fighting

Against each other

No matter orientation

It’s the games

Displays OF power

Neurosis becomes

Control

There is none

We, us, me , you

There is no, them

It feels so counter intuitive

How long should I wait

To let go

Reach out

Lose control

Possession is a heartbreaking illusion

We LOVE to grasp

Wanting all

There is

Nothing like kindness

Every fuck

A meeting

Every kiss

A story

Each others wish

Connected

Joined in warm breathing

Palpitating confused human being